Goodbye Sadness

It was a usual afternoon. The sky was bright, and cars were roaming on the road. I was on my way to meet old friends, driving alone. My car won’t play my iPod, for it has been broken for months. So I played the usual tunes on the CD. It was an ordinary day, nothing was supposed to be special about it.

What made that day unusual, was the fact that I am going to leave Jakarta in another week. To be honest, I already passed my sorrow and confusion. I have achieved my happiness by accepting the fact that I am going to spend my next four years on something awesome. I am going to build my dreams, and I am grateful for that.

But apparently, being grateful and happy is harder than it seems. Do not get me wrong, I am happy, very happy on my soon-to-be journey. I am going to spend my 3 -4 years ahead in San Francisco, one of the most beautiful modern cities in the world (so people said) to learn filmmaking. I am going to sketch and paint everything. Victorian houses, roads, foggy valleys, bridges, doors, parks, artists, and poets. I will probably write my stories inside those little eclectic cafes, in the middle of those jazzy tunes and artistic-looking beggars (okay, I made that last one up). In short, I will experience a marvelous time and I believe in that.

So why, why on earth that all of sudden on that supposed to be a usual day, I felt a sadness in my heart. It was uninvited, of course, and also inevitable. I was listening to the same tunes all over again when I choked myself, felt like it was hard to breathe. And just like that, I can feel a warmth on my cheek. Water. And the road was somehow blurry, and my heart was pounding like I was in a deep heart-broken moment. I was crying.

I did not know why it happened. Was I still sad? Was I still worried about the fact that I had never left Jakarta for my whole 26 years? Was I somehow too afraid to lose and miss my parents, my dearest friends, my whole life?
Whatever it was, I do not want to be sad all over again. I want to leave you all, my friends, happily. I want to believe that we will meet again somewhere, someday soon. I might have never seen and met some of you in person before, but it is still hard nonetheless. The fact that I was struck by a sudden heartache in the middle of the road has only reminded me that I have to be my best on my journey out there. It might not be as easy as it sounds, but hey, this little guy will be fine.

So yeah, it might not be a usual afternoon at the end of that day. My cheeks were still warm, my tears flowed, my eyes were red, it felt like I was suffocating, and the road was blurry still. But hey, my friends, I will see you at the end of the road. And I will promise you that I will smile happily like I used to be.

If you see me somewhere someday, maybe inside those warm coffee shops, sipping my usual black coffee, under those hippy lamps on my favorite places, please pat my back. Say hello and I will show you my adventure. Our adventure.

Thank you for everything. Until we meet again.