I was ready to sleep when I heard a familiar voice outside my room.
“Where is he? I just put him to sleep, and he was gone!” she seems very nervous and panic. Something just happened, and I didn’t know what it is. I woke up from my disturbed sleep and opened my bedroom door.
There she was, looking very sad and shaking. She was standing in front of my bedroom, tried to knock the door before I opened it. She just went from the stairs to reach the room, and I think I had never look at her this panicked before. My maid, Bude Dam, grab her little old hands to prevent her from falling.
“Hi grandma, who are you looking for?” I was smiling when I said that. I used to see her like this. A lot. And to be calm is the best solution, I guess.
“My grandson. Where is he? Do you know where he is?”
“Which one?” I asked.
I am one of her grandson, but from her confused eyes I could tell that it’s not me who she looked for.
“Gilang. It’s Gilang. I just put him to sleep, and now he’s gone. Where is he? I have to find him.”
Gilang, my 21 years old little brother, were just looking at my grandmother while he sat on his computer’s chair. With hurry, he stood up and came to my grandmother, introduced himself . (Well, re-introduced himself).
“I’m here, grandma. It’s me, Gilang.” He sat next to my grandmother. Bude Dam went to the kitchen to make a hot tea, while we sat and try to comfort my grandma.
“No, no, no… You’re not him. He just a little boy.” her eyes wandered.
“It’s me. You must be remember.” Gilang tried to convince her.
“I don’t think you are him.” she paused a little bit, and said again, “do you know my daughter, Suci?”
Of course we know, that is our mother’s name.
“He is her son. See, she told me to keep an eye of him. I guess she want to leave him for a moment, and then she would pick him up in the morning. He went asleep, and so did I. When I woke up, he was gone! Suci will blame me because of this!”
Now I’m panicked because she seems very afraid and desperate. Her voice was trembled.
“Okay, wait for a moment. I’ll wake her up.” I said to Gilang and Bude Dam.
My mother came out of her room quickly after I knocked it. She looked calm as usual, and then talked to my grandmother.
“Mother, what is it?”
“Suci, I was looking for your son. I don’t know where he is. I think I…”
“Gilang? There he is.” said my mother while she was pointing to Gilang.
“No, it’s not him. Gilang is…”
“Look at him again, mother. It is him.” she tried to make my grandmother see Gilang closely. My grandmother tried to examine Gilang, but it looked like she couldn’t recall her mind. She was still examining my little brother when Gilang grabbed her finger, and suddenly her eyes were sparking.
“It is you…” she smiled. Gilang was smiling as well, and we were just relieved when we heard her said that words.
We were comforting her in our family couch that night, and it seems she began to remember everything again.
It was the second time my grandmother panicked and asking everyone where her grandchildren are. The first time she did this, she was looking for my little sister, Galuh. She came to my bedroom and asking things.
My grandmother are not suffering a serious health problems. She is 81 years old, and she is healthy. But sometimes she forgot things. It would take a minute or an hour to make her remember all of things again. She recovered quickly, but sometimes she forgot again.
It just natural, I guess, to an old person to suffered dementia (is it right? Dementia?), but it break my heart seeing her like that. When she didn’t recognize her own grandson, and keep asking to me what went wrong with her. I don’t know what is worse; wasting your old time in bed, suffering a disease, or have a healthy physique but keep asking about your relatives because you are forgetting them. It made me realize how important your memory to you. It’s not only gives you personality, it gives you your whole life, your existence.
“Why is it with me?” she always asks that question whenever she realize that she forgot a lot of things.
“It’s okay, mother. It’s natural. We will forget things as we get older.” said my mother, tried to comfort her.
“Yes, but how come I forgot my own grandson?” she stared to my mom’s eyes. I could see a glimpse of fear and sadness in my grandmother’s eyes. And she said to my mom again,
“It just a matter of time that I will forget you as well…”
There was silent in my family room, until my mom said,
“You won’t forget me. You won’t. And if someday you really forget me, I will make you remember it all again. Just like now.”
I could see a smile in my grandma’s beautiful face. I knew that she will make it. She will remember…